From Awe to Appreciation: Exploring the relationship between wonder and Gratitude

From Awe to Appreciation: Exploring the relationship between wonder and

gratitude.

Jenny Sanbrook

Accredited Mental Health Social Worker

Certified Gottman Therapist

As I began writing this article, Cyclone Alfred was approaching the coast of Northern

NSW and QLD. One of my closest friends living in the area was planning to have a

much anticipated wedding there the following week. With airports closed to Ballina

and severe flood warnings for Lismore, after the 2022 disaster we were paying close

attention to what happened. My friend had just sent me a video of the constant roar of

the wind – she wrote “The relentless noise and movement is amazing”. Of course it’s

terrifying and she’d hardly slept, the power went out moments after her message. But

she was describing “awe”, the power of a natural event. In the following article I am

exploring the research that suggests awe is more than just a strong and fleeting

emotion, that in fact it leads to less self absorption and more gratitude.

Awe

Awe is related to the emotions of pleasure and fear, but little has been written about it

in psychology until now, where it has formed a part of positive psychology and a key

strategy in the area of mindfulness. In a landmark paper on the subject by Jonathan

Haidt and Dacher Keltner (2003) they suggest the feeling of awe involves 2 features –

perceived vastness and need for accommodation. These experiences create a sense

of subordination to a greater power or experience and resultant sense of humility.

Haidt (2003) writes “across disciplines, theorists agree that awe involves being in the

presence of something powerful, along with associated feelings of submission, thus

feelings of awe can be positive and negative. Awe also involves a difficulty in

comprehension, along with associated feelings of confusion, surprise, and wonder” (p.

303). Such experiences often lead to a change of personal view and course of action

or life goal.

Take experiences in religion, for example Paul’s conversion from being a persecutor of

Christians, Paul experiences the following “suddenly a light from heaven flashed about

him. And he fell to the ground and heard a voice saying to him, Saul, why do you

persecute me?” And he said, “Who are you, Lord?” And he said, “I am Jesus, whomyou are persecuting; but rise and enter the city, and you will be told what you are to

do.” The men who were travelling with him stood speechless, hearing the voice but

seeing no one (Acts 9.3-7). Paul experiences blindness for 3 days and upon regaining

his sight is the most devoted follower of Jesus. Similar experiences have been written

about in the Hindu and Buddhist tradition. Other historical figures such as Joan of Arc,

Ghandhi, Hitler, Martin Luther King and Nelson Mandela have inspired people to give

up previously held views and subsequently change beliefs and actions.

Outside of religion or history, consider experiences in nature, sports and the arts.

Here, people describe awe with feelings of expansion, greatness of mind, a flow state

and feelings of the sublime.

Haidt and Keltner also found that people who experience and tune in to awe are more

likely to volunteer, prefer experience over material things, are less impatient and report

greater life satisfaction. It seems this occurs because the experience of awe brings

people into the present moment which changes the way we perceive time. We focus on

the here and now, slowing things down with less focus on past or future worry. This then

influences decisions and can make life feel more satisfying.

Dr Robert Leahy (2006), author of The Worry Cure, suggests that awe is the opposite

of rumination, “it clears away inner turmoil with a wave of outer immensity.” Whether

it’s a sunset with exceptionally vivid colors or a rapidly expanding sense of love felt

when staring into another’s eyes, being in awe is losing yourself in something or

someone else. The effect on the anxious brain is a decreased sense of “it’s all about

me”, the need to control everything disappears.

But what if awe is just a strong emotion that is fleeting – we can’t trust our emotions

right? Or what about the idea that not all strong emotion or feelings of awe can be

used for “good” (take the impact of powerful leaders such Hitler or other political

figures, that create a sense of being “awestruck” in their followers by their charisma).

Keltner suggests that as with any strong emotion, critical thinking is required and that

while this is true (that being awestruck can lead to dangerous actions) on balance, the

evidence gathered is that awe reduces polarisation and increases charity (Keltner,

2023). Furthermore, with a link to gratitude and happiness, the literature also suggests

that the effects of awe may last longer than other momentary emotions (Berger, J

2024). Speaking of gratitude, let’s take a look at this now.

Gratitude

In a busy world where we tend to focus on daily tasks and basic survival, gratitude

offers us a path to a happier and more hopeful life. Gratitude is important for well

being. It can heal, energize, and potentially transform lives.Gratitude can be defined as “a strong feeling of appreciation to someone or something

for what the person has done to help you” (Cambridge Dictionary). It has been defined

more specifically as “a sense of thankfulness and joy in response to receiving a gift,

whether the gift be a tangible benefit from a specific other or a moment of peaceful

bliss evoked by natural beauty” (Emmons, 2004, p. 554). Studies show that grateful

people tend to feel happier, more hopeful, more satisfied and more vital.

Gratitude has been conceptualised as an emotional trait, mood, or emotion

(McCullough, Emmons, & Tsang, 2002). Trait gratitude, or the disposition toward

gratitude, is a “life orientation toward noticing and appreciating the positive in the

world” (Wood, Froh, & Geraghty, in press, p. 5). As a moral emotion, the experience

and expression of gratitude promotes beneficial exchanges and relationships between

people and the welfare of society at large (Haidt, 2003)—a view that has long been

shared by religions and cultures across the globe (Emmons & Crumpler, 2000).

According to Emmons and McCullough (2003), the feeling of gratitude involves two

stages: First comes the acknowledgment of goodness in one’s life. In a state of

gratitude, we say yes to life. We affirm that, all in all, life is good and has elements that

make it worth living. The acknowledgment that we have received something gratifies

us, both by its presence and by the effort the giver put into choosing it. Second,

gratitude is recognising that sources of this goodness lie outside the self. One can

be grateful to our creator, other people, animals, and the world, but not to oneself. At

this stage, we recognise the goodness in our lives and who to thank for it.

What gets in the way of gratitude? “The Thieves of Thankfulness”

Robert Emmons pioneered the research on gratitude beginning back in the 1980’s. On

reading of his earlier studies I found he began studying narcissism. Furthermore, in a

study titled “The Thieves of Thankfulness” (a title that caught my eye, I love a bit of

alliteration) – Solom (2015) found four factors that lead to a decrease in the state of

gratitude; narcissism, cynicism, materialism/envy, and indebtedness (receiving

favours). The first three factors were of most relevance and even supported the theory

that narcissism, cynicism and materialism interacted in a vicious cycle over time. The

last factor (indebtedness) related to receiving favours when the giver appeared to have

an ulterior motive i.e. to get something back in return (a friend offers to help with a

business idea but expects referrals in return). This led to decreased gratitude – as

opposed to when the person comes from a purely benevolent place (helping your

friend clean out their house for a move with no expectation of a favour back). When

the latter was clear, indebtedness did not relate to decreased gratitude.

The Relationship Between Awe and GratitudeRobert Leahy (2006) sees awe as a cousin to appreciation and gratitude and links

these emotions to experiences often found in music, places of worship and nature.

He and other researchers point out that the link between exposure to nature and

well-being is proven to reduce stress as they tend to be restorative environments and

reduce emotional fatigue. Experiences that draw a person outside of themselves tend

to broaden their lens, leaving them feeling more alive. Leahy suggests all of these

experiences allow a sense of gratitude to come into the thinking. People are more

likely to come away from a problem focussed way of thinking – realising “It’s not all

about you”. They are also less entitled and showed more pro-social tendencies.

Research shows – gratitude can be learned 🙂

Not only is gratitude more likely to lead to a happier and more satisfying life – it can

also be learned. Children who practice grateful thinking have more positive attitudes

toward school and their families (Froh, Sefick, & Emmons, 2008). In the same study, a

daily gratitude intervention (self-guided exercises) with young adults resulted in higher

reported levels of the positive states of alertness, enthusiasm, determination,

attentiveness and energy, compared to a focus on hassles or a downward social

comparison (ways in which participants thought they were better off than others).

There was no difference in levels of unpleasant emotions reported in the three groups.

Similarly, in a sample of adults with neuromuscular disease, a 21-day gratitude

intervention resulted in greater amounts of high energy positive moods, a greater

sense of feeling connected to others, more optimistic ratings of one’s life, and better

sleep duration and quality, relative to a control group. (Froh, Sefick, & Emmons, 2008).

Participants in the daily gratitude group were more likely to report having helped

someone with a personal problem or having offered emotional support to another.

(Froh, Sefick, & Emmons, 2008).

Techniques for cultivating gratitude in the therapeutic setting

Acceptance Based Strategies and Dialectical Behaviour Therapy

Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) originally designed for treatment of Borderline

Personality Disorder (Linehan 1990) has now been proven to be effective for a range

of other mental health problems especially those characterised by overwhelming

emotions. DBT has a strong component of gratitude – with the concept of “Wise Mind”

incorporating concepts of being grounded, training our attention to focus to where we

want to be in a non-judgmental way – having an acceptance base with an open heart.Not just paying attention to the pleasant things but accepting and welcoming all

experiences (Pederson, 2017).

Accepting and welcoming all experiences includes savouring the moment and also

tuning into finding awe in the commonplace, rather than waiting for great life

changing events which are often few and far between (Pedererson 2017).

In therapy, acceptance-based work highlights the need to examine thoughts and

feelings, but also learn to take them less seriously, and less personally.

Along with acceptance, DBT gets its name from the theory of “synthesis of opposites”

(dialectics). Essential skills include the synthesis of opposites, finding balance,

creativity and flexibility in both thinking and behaviour. Other key strategies are

maintaining perspective and viewing problems as opportunities e.g. pursuing new

accomplishments, connection and new learning. Acronyms of Wise Mind ACCEPTS

(Activities, Contributing, Comparisons, Emotions, Push away, Thoughts, Sensations)

and IMPROVE the Moment (Imagery, Meaning, Prayer, Relaxation, One thing,

Vacation, Encouragement), are key strategies that can be used. Lane Pederson (2017)

has written an expanded skills training manual with a large section on diary cards and

homework tasks to facilitate therapy.

Keep a gratitude journal

People who keep a gratitude journal exercise more regularly, report fewer physical

symptoms and are more optimistic, they also make more progress towards personal

goal attainment over a 2 month period (Emmons and McCullough 2003).

It is best to find new things to be grateful for each day (don’t let it become stale and

repetitive) – e.g. the glimmer of sun as I drive to work, the water running through the

taps right now, the electricity that is powering my fridge (easier to notice after a recent

blackout which lasted 4 days!), the kindness of neighbours who gave us use of a fridge

unaffected by the blackout.

Be specific – e.g. instead of “I’m grateful for my dog” – I am grateful for my Cavoodle,

Pebbles – I am grateful for his warmth against my leg right now, his soft fur, his

boundless energy.

Find awe in the everydayReliving awe moments allows us to store the memory so that we can recall this in the

future. One technique suggested in the Positive Psychology Toolkit (see references) is

to recall a recent awe experience (this could be witnessing an act of kindness,

something special in nature or a “lightbulb moment”). Ask clients to describe this in

detail including thoughts and feelings they have had. Clients can create a diary of

moments such as these in order to relive the memory.

Savour the moment

Think about everyday activities that bring pleasure. Select two enjoyable experiences

each day for 2 weeks. These should be ordinary activities that are part of your

everyday routine. Give the activity your complete attention and focus on the five

senses.

For couples – Fondness and Admiration – “I appreciate checklist”

Based on over 40 years of research, Gottman Method Couples Therapy developed the

Sound Relationship House as a therapeutic tool for couples to strengthen their

relationship (Gottman, 1999). Building fondness and admiration is part of the

foundation of the house and relates to enhancing the couple’s friendship. In this

exercise couples are encouraged to think of three qualities or characteristics that they

appreciate or admire about their partner, and describe an occasion when they have

shown this – this is then communicated to the partner. The exercise is designed as a

way to enhance connection and positive feelings for each other.

I have set myself the task of doing some of these to see if they work, and I can say with

confidence they are definitely contributing to more flexibility, a more positive outlook and

better coping. But as always they are a work in progress. I know you are desperate to

know if the wedding on the Northern Rivers went ahead – the answer is yes, Cyclone

Alfred passed, leaving a relatively small path of destruction in the area and the sun

came out. It was a truly beautiful event and one I will be grateful for, for years to come.

References

Berger, J (2024) The Dark Side of Awe https://nautil.us/the-dark-side-of-awe-503557/

Cong Peng, Rob M. A. Nelissen & Marcel Zeelenberg (2018) Reconsidering

the roles of gratitude and indebtedness in social exchange, Cognition and Emotion,

32:4, 760-772.

Emmons, R and McCullough M (2004) The Psychology of Gratitude, 1 February 2004Gottman, J (1999) The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Crown Publishers,

New York

Leahy, Robert (2006) The Worry Cure: Seven Steps to Stop Worry from Stopping you.

Harmony Publishing USA.

Linehan M (2000) Dialectical Behaviour Therapy – Skills Training Manual

Holy Bible The New International Version Zondervan, Publishing House USA

Keltner, D., & Haidt, J. (2003). Approaching awe, a moral, spiritual, and aesthetic

emotion. Cognition & Emotion, 17, 297-314.

Pederon, L and Pederson C (2017) The Expanded Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills

Training Manual: DBT for Self-Help and Individual & Group Treatment Settings. 2nd

Edition PESI Publishing and Media.

Rudd, M., Vohs, K. D., & Aaker, J. (2012). Awe expands people’s perception of

time, alters decision making, and enhances well-being. Psychological science, 23,

Solom, R, Watkins, P, McCurrach, D and Scheibe (2015) The Thieves of Thankfulness:

Traits that inhibit gratitude (Pages 120-129).

The Positive Psychology Toolkit https://positivepsychology.com

Other Reading/viewing suggestions

Baird, J. (2020). Phosphorescence: On Awe, Wonder and Things That Sustain You

When the World Goes Dark

van Cuylenburg, H. (2019). The Resilience Project: Finding Happiness through

Gratitude, Empathy and Mindfulness

Compass ABC iView Series 37 Awe Hunter with Julia Baird

Keltner, Dacher (2023) Awe: The new science of everyday wonder and how it can

transform your life. Penguin Publishing Group USA.